Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ready

It is April, the month before The Month. The month where I will graduate, marry, move, and (maybe?) take up real-deal employment. That is a lot of life change squeezed into poor little May. But today I bought our wedding bands, and in the jewelry store someone called me Natalie HisLastName, and it felt comfortable. The name change is a big, big deal to me, and it has sometimes felt like too big to take on. But then today, it was just nice. I was ready for it. And if I can buy wedding bands and get called a new name and take it in stride--that makes me feel ready to take on the rest of the massive change that awaits me. Ready to be a wife. Ready to live in a place indefinitely.* Ready to get out of my student/intern comfort zone. Ready to be a Southwestern girl again.**


Just...ready. To start a new life. 


I love the engagement process for this. It hasn't been entirely easy, but has led me here to this peaceful place. It let me wrestle with the change, acknowledge that the transition we're making is a huge one, ask questions of myself and Eric, go from the wedding being an almost surreal vision in the future to the day we are super excited to get to so we can get on with the being together. 


I feel at home in the idea of our marriage now. I have noticed lately that when people squee over the wedding, I have trouble matching their emotion. It's not that I'm not excited, it's just that when I was in an "omg eeeee!!" stage it was when I could hardly believe it. Now it is so solidly a part of my/our reality. I remember when they put Eric and Natalie HisLast on that form we filled out almost two (wow) years ago in the same jewelry store, while on our first ring-shopping venture. When they did that, I felt giggly inside. Today, when the security guard said, "Oh, you're Natalie HisLast, Amy told me you'd be coming in," I just felt like "Yes, that's me."


*I find the word "indefinitely" very romantic thanks to Notting Hill.
**I have decided that Texas belongs to the Southwest. Texans may not agree with this.


(Please know that it's not that being ready for the name-changing itself that means I am ready for getting married--if I weren't changing my name I would feel the same way, it's just that the name change and how my feelings about it changed is representative (for me) of my emotional transition from being a newly engaged to an about-to-be-married lady. Rock on, non-name-changers. )

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